


Dear Spain

by Candy_Chickadee



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Death, Feels, Gen, Sad, Suicide, extreme feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-07
Updated: 2015-05-07
Packaged: 2018-03-29 12:19:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3896059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Candy_Chickadee/pseuds/Candy_Chickadee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of letters from Romano to Spain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Spain

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first published work. Please to not be too hard or rude to me. Thank you. ^-^

December 29, 20xx

Dear Antonio,

It's been a while since we've spoken. I've missed you, you know. You told me you'd only be gone for fifteen minutes, but it's been four days. You may have miscalculated a little there, idiota.   
Anyway, you've really been worrying a lot of people. No one knows where you're at or where you could be. It's like you fell off the face of the Earth or something. Lots of people are out looking for you, and a lot of times it's really tense when you're brought up. I think some people believe that you aren't coming back, but I know better. Besides, it's only been four days. I'm sure you'll be back again soon.

Until then,  
Lovino

 

January 5, 20xx

Dear Antonio,

You still aren't here. It's been eleven days now, and people are starting to get afraid. There's been no trace of your car or you to be found anywhere. A lot of people have cried over that fact, but I haven't. Not yet.  
It's not that I'm not worried, because of course I am, but I know you're coming back because you promised me a long time ago that you'd never leave me alone. I trust you on that.  
New Year's Eve was hard because I remembered when we used to go down to the lake near our house every year and watch the fireworks together. It was always so much prettier there because the light would reflect off the frozen water. This year, I was alone. But I pretended you were there, too, and I hoped you could see the fireworks from wherever you were. Don't feel too guilty, though, because I know you're that kind of person. There's always next year, and we can watch them again then.

Until then,  
Lovino

 

January 17, 20xx

Dear Antonio,

I thought that maybe you'd be back by now. It's been almost a month since you disappeared. If you're afraid to come home because you think I'm going to be mad at you, don't worry. I won't get upset at you. All I want is for you to come home again.  
I still haven't cried. I still believe you're coming home. I still miss you. I can still remember so clearly, you throwing your big, weird-looking winter coat on and telling me that you were going to head out to get my present. I said I wanted to come, but you said it was a surprise, and that it would only be 15 minutes. 15 minutes.  
Feli has been worried about how I'm dealing with this situation. He's come to visit me quite a bit, but I just tell him I'm fine and he leaves me alone. I think once, he brought up seeing a shrink, but I shrugged it off. There's nothing wrong with me, and I have no loss to deal with. You're still out there, I know it. And, one day, you're going to walk through the front door with a great present and I'm going to hug you even though I don't like hugs. Then things will go back to the way they're supposed to be.

Until then,  
Lovino

 

January 21, 20xx

Dear Antonio,

Today, they finally found you. I got a knock on the door. It was the police. They told me that they found someone matching your description, and I needed to come identify them. They took me to a hospital, and, for a moment I thought we were going to head up to a room. I would see you and we would hug and hug until neither of us could breathe anymore. But the elevator went down, instead.  
They took me back to a cold room. The smell was odd, and not in a good way. It made me feel sick in the type of way where your stomach feels as though it has dropped right down and your insides, like they're caving in.  
I screamed when I saw the hard, metal table in the middle of the room. The sheet was still on the body, but I knew for sure that it was you under there. I could tell. I started shaking badly, and right there, right in front of you, was when I finally began to cry, if you could call it that.  
My sobbing was gross, messy, and loud, but I couldn't stop myself. Nothing could stop me. I cried until I finally felt my stomach turn and I had to rush for a bathroom. The time I spent throwing up felt like an hour, but it must have just been ten minutes.  
How could this happen? I knew for sure that you were coming home. I was positive. The doctors say it's a good idea for me to sleep and get it off my mind so that I'm not as upset when I come to see you tomorrow...I don't see how that's possible. Either way,

Until then,  
Lovino.

 

January 25, 20xx 

Dear Antonio,

It's been exactly a month since you went missing, and four days since you were found. When I went back to the hospital, the doctors and police officers had a long talk with me. They said that somebody saw a shadow in the water of the lake we always went to after the ice began to melt away. When officers arrived, they found your old car, completely upside-down at the bottom of the lake. The brake had malfunctioned, and you couldn't stop. I was so close to you. You were always right there, and I never knew.  
Apparently, though, because you'd driven off a cliff, the top of the car hitting the water had enough force to make you hit your head and knock you out. They say because of that, there was no pain involved for you, which I guess is a good thing. But, if that's true, I wonder what you thought about in the last moments before you lost control of the car. It's selfish to say that I hope I had been on your mind, but I do. I hope you thought about me in your last moments.  
Since I got home that night, I haven't left the house, and I've practically taken over your room. It's where I sleep now, because it still has your scent all around it, and it makes me feel like you're still there. I get the song you used to sing me stuck in my head all the time. I don't know the words, but I remember the tune.  
Lots of people have come to check on me. Even Ludwig showed up. He brought these sausages that were supposed to be really good for me to eat, but they're still in the fridge. I can't bring myself to eat anything.  
Feli told me to go to a psychiatrist again, but I told him 'no'. Not in the nice way. The kind of 'no' that you regret later. The kind that really hurts the other person just because of the tone it's said in. I know it hurts him to see me so upset, but I just can't deal with anyone right now.  
If you were here, you'd pick me up and hold me in your arms, no matter how much I told you to stop. You'd hold me close and let me cry, and let me say what I needed to, and you wouldn't interrupt. That's what I liked most about you. You knew how to treat me no matter what mood I was in, and you always knew how to make me feel better.  
Now, though, I can't stop crying. I miss you so much. More than anything in the world. We'll see each other again, someday, though.

Until then,  
Lovino

 

January 30, 20xx 

Dear Antonio,

Almost everyone has moved on with their lives, but I can't do it. It feels wrong to go through life without you here with me. I tried to go out yesterday because Feli invited me to dinner, but I couldn't get past the lake without having to turn back because I was crying so hard.  
I don't know how I can go on like this. It's too much. It's too hard. I want you back with me again so that I don't have to be so sad anymore. I almost wish that I could die sooner so that we can be together, despite how awful that sounds. I can't help it. I want so badly to see you again. 

Until then,  
Lovino

 

February 3, 20xx 

Dear Antonio,

I can't take it anymore. My heart hurts too much. I feel like I have no more purpose in life. I've gotten so thin that my ribs poke out, and I no longer answer my door or phone because I don't have the drive to do so. Dying seems so much easier. Could you ever forgive me if I did so? I need to think about this.

Until then,  
Lovino

 

February 5, 20xx 

Dear Antonio,

I did it. I swallowed an entire bottle of sleeping pills. It's hard to write this. Not just because I'm shaking and crying so much, but because I feel like I've let you down. I took the easy route because I couldn't handle the difficult one.   
But, even though I'm dying, and I'm severely upset, I'm still happy to finally see you again. I hope you feel the same.   
I'm getting sleepy now, and I think I'll have to wrap this up quickly. Just know that I love you with all my heart. I'm sorry for letting you and everyone else down. I hope you can find it within yourselves to forgive me. I'll see you in a little bit, Antonio.

Until then,  
Lov

 

 

February 11, 20xx 

Dear Lovino,

It's been two days since I found you dead in your house. I don't know how you had me fooled, or how I honestly believed that you were okay. I guess it's my fault, for being so gullible. I honestly thought that I was helping you, and that you were feeling better. I really am such an idiot. Can't even tell when my own brother is hurting...  
I had brought you some cookies because I thought, maybe they'd cheer you up, and I could get you to eat again. But now all of them are in your floor, right in the dining room, where you took the pills, wrote your note, and...died...  
I'm trying to arrange a funeral for you, a good one, with your favorite flowers and songs and everything. But, no matter how beautiful it is, your funeral will never be good, because it's yours.   
I finally understand what you were going through. Losing someone close to you is hard, especially when it's someone who took care of you your whole life...or your own brother.  
But I promise I'll make it through, I know how disappointed you'd be if I didn't. I may cry over you, but I swear I will not die over you, because that's not what you would want.  
Rather, I'll see you when my natural time comes. Then I won't have to be alone anymore.

Until then,  
Feliciano


End file.
